Monday, March 10, 2008

Missing Dad!

And getting kisses from Haley!

And Chuck Taylor high tops!
I do like biting my bug and wearing striped pants!
What? What's that you say?
Look how sad I am that my dad's not here!

Dazed and Confused


funnies

I just got these in an e-mail and I thought they were worth sharing:

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?What are we supposed to do, write to them?Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps?so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea,does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

If people from Poland are called Poles,then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

No, there's nothing wrong with your volume or your computer, Conor actually went through a phase for several weeks where this nails on a chalkboard like screeching was his preferred method of communication. He wasn't upset when we recorded this, just talking and playing, and making sounds like cats mating/being murdered on a barbed wire fence!

3 Hill Clowns

Conor poses here with Uncle Pete and cousin Amanda. I imagine that he's wondering if there is anyone in his family that is "normal." Sorry, son, you're stuck with us, and we're all goofy! I can't wait to get you a clown costume just like mine!

Conor Tales & Other Stories

Spring is just around the corner, and in Waynesboro this means the celebration of all things new, like Sonic, Petsmart, Sheetz, and Kohl's. We're in business now! It also brings new milestones for my precious little boy. I thought it was cute when the dog licked Conor's sweaty feet and he uncurled his toes and stuck his feet out and laughed. That is, until the day when my son licked the dog. He's pretty, but not so bright.

I've got some ideas for the toy companies. Make a toy made out of a woman's hair, that when a child yanks on it yells, "Ow!" Or one that feels like arm skin and yells: "Don't do that!" Or a non-toxic magazine like paper or expired coupon toy that crinkles and can be licked. Or a nose he can pinch and a mouth he can stick his fingers in. These delight my son. I know they make cell phone toys, but I'm sure they aren't nearly as fun as my actual phone. Or the actual remote control. Or a towel, or my shirt. Anyone need any barely used baby toys? I'm sure you'll tell me that he uses taste to discover the world around him, but I'm not sure how to feel when I kiss his cheek and he grabs my hair on both sides so I can't pull away and then licks the side of my face!

Conor likes to stroke Aaron's chin when he hasn't shaved it in a few days, which might seem endearing, until I tell you that he also does the same to my armpit when he's nursing! Seriously child, I do not have time to shave every day just so you can stroke my armpit! Of course, maybe we deserve it, for some of the new parent stunts we've pulled. Aaron accidentally cut Conor a little while trimming his wee fingernails, so he wrapped his finger in a tiny band-aid. We both thought this was very cute, until I realized that this was probably a choking hazard. Aaron decides we should just watch Conor closely, especially since he's so prone to sticking his fingers, fists, both hands at once, etc. in his mouth. Shortly thereafter I notice the band aid is missing and start shouting, "The Band Aid! The Band Aid!" We start beating the poor child on the back and looking all over the sofa and floor to see if it fell off. Finally Aaron sticks his finger in Conor's mouth and finds it stuck to the roof of his mouth-good grief! We told this story to our pediatrician who told us that his son mysteriously pooped pennies, which made us feel a little better.

Conor enjoys looking at himself in the mirror, so I've been holding him and singing Michael Jackson's, "Man in the Mirror" (why can I remember the words to this and not to any nursery rhymes?). I'm even teaching him Jacko's trademark crotch grab! Of course the day Aaron leaves town for 3 months the boy figures out how to grab his groin, diaper, and me while I'm trying to change him. Last week he grabbed his foot for the first time and was so excited he didn't want to let go of it, so he just kept pulling it farther and farther back. Until that made him fart, which made him laugh. He is definitely his father's son! Although I suppose I should have seen all this coming early on, since shortly after Conor was born, they laid him naked on my chest so we could bond and each of us could get cleaned up a bit. It was a warm moment for all of us, but for me it was especially warm, literally, because Conor pooped on me! Welcome to the world son, and welcome to parenting, Mom!

Here's an Aaron story: one morning, as Aaron left for work, he put on his glasses and got in his car. He thought he was just tired, because his eyes still seemed to be bleary. When they didn't clear up 15 minutes into his drive to work, he really began to worry that something might be wrong with him, telling me later that he "thought he might be having a seizure." Thankfully, he took his glasses off and looked at them closely, only to find he was missing a lens! And this man investigates for a living!

I've enjoyed buying Haley a costume for Halloween in the past, and was amazed at the variety of costumes made for dogs. Here are a few possibilities: Elvis, skunk, police uniform, pimp, tuxedo, French maid, Uncle Sam, soccer player, pirate, Robin Hood, sailor, and Geisha girl. What will they think of next? Incidentally, we found out this winter that Haley is actually missing an eardrum in the ear she's never raised up, although I still believe she chooses not to listen more than she actually can't hear!

I also wanted to share some of the fun baby names we stumbled across during pregnancy- Guillermo, Angus (great strength) Jemima (from the Bible), Hulda (Biblical- "weasel") and Crispin (curly hair). We used to think it was funny when Aaron and I were dating and my family kept mistakenly calling Aaron "Irwan," or "Ian." We wouldn't have guessed however how many people would call Conor, "Conrad."

Smiling Monkey



Napsters

I have a frame with a border that reads, "Nap Like You Mean It." I think this picture sums that up just about right!

Musings & Quotes

A few deep thoughts I've been pondering:

If Superman shoots fire from his eyes, what happens when he sneezes? Or even worse, gets diarrhea?

Why do babies enjoy pooping? Or is this something we've lost as adults, and we're all supposed to be laughing as we empty our bowels? If "a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down" does a belly full of laughter make the doody go down?

Why is snow called "falling weather?" Is there such a thing as "rising weather?" Or is that what's meant when folks say "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise?"

Why do the batteries in smoke alarms only run out in the middle of the night, causing the detectors to beep incessantly?

We spent last Easter in New York city with dear friends from Northern Ireland, and they taught us these fun phrases: "Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you," "Shift your arse" (move over) and "a lick and a promise" (what does this mean? It sounds like something you'd use if you're going to hit someone!) The teenagers were playing cards and one said offhandedly to the other, in the same way we'd say something like "blow it out your ear," the phrase, "You'll fail at life!" Wow that is harsh-we love it! When an Irish friend visited us in Waynesboro he taught us, "Build a bridge and get over it!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Before Conor was born I wasn't working, so my favorite quote was in Italian: "Il dolce far niente," which translates "the sweetness of doing nothing."

My mother, who is in her 60's tried to tell me that my then 11 year old nephew recieved for Christmas a gameboy, but instead called it a "playboy."

Aaron has recently accepted a new position as a postal inspector (more on this later) and he loved being a police officer, but I can't resist including this quote on policing I stumbled on: "Police work is hours of boredom interupted by moments of unbelievable horror."

I told Aaron's brother, Peter, that in the past, I had occasionally abused caffeine. As a medical professional I was surprised when he replied, "I don't call it abuse, I call it 'what I need to live!' "

Is it Huntin' Season Yet?




In the News

Well I've gotten behind again, so I'll try to catch you up on the milestones and silliness as well as Hill family news. Let's begin with wacky news articles:

"Apparent Piece of Human Scalp Has Police Searching:" Found by a puppy and turned into police, officers in Washington state were going door to door trying to determine what might have happened to the owner.

"Police Allege Motorist Strapped Beer in Seat Belt, but not Toddler:" from Florida, a driver was arrested after running a red light for strapping a 24 pack of beer in a seat belt but had a 16 month old girl sitting in a person's lap in the back seat.

From Valentine's Day: "Dear Abby, My 94 year old mother, who lives in a nursing home, has had so much fun making valentines for all her grandkids-ages 17 to 46. She sent a picture taken of herself in a bubble bath and wrote, 'I hope your day is as happy as I am here in this picture. Proverbs 15:15, "For the despondent every day brings troubles; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast!' Happy Valentine's Day!' " (this one disturbs me on several levels, but I suspect if I make it to 94 I will probably being doing similar kinds of things, so if you're still around, and get something in the mail from me, do not open it!)

I found some oldies but goodies from when I used to read "The Irish Times" online:

"Prostitutes Doing Double Shifts to Cope with World Cup Demand."

"Polish Leader Pulls Out of Top Level Meeting in Germany because German Newspaper Compares him to a Potato."

"Chavez calls Bush 'more dangerous than a monkey with a razor blade.' "

Also in the news recently, Forbes ranked Charlottesville, VA #17 in the top 25 smartest cities in the country-yeehaw! And research is being done to create biodiesel fuel from the algae that grows on sewage- now that's clever environmentalism!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Conor likes bibs just like mom!


Almost 14 weeks old in this photo...

You knew it had to be done!


We'll be showing this one when he goes to prom, of course there are more that are not as Austin Powers cleverly disguised as this one is!

One last Christmas photo...


Look what I found in my big stocking this year!

Boobs!

Wow, time sure flies when you're sleep deprived...but we really can't complain. Conor was sleeping 11 pm to 8 am by two months and is now going from 10 pm to 9 am. It is actually true that babies reach a point where you can just keep putting them to bed earlier and they'll just sleep more and more. And when he's awake, he's often quite content to sit in my lap and watch the box with lights (tv)!

The headlines have been especially wacky recently: "A Swedish bomb squad called out to disarm a suspicious package on Wednesday did not find a ticking bomb. But they did find a vibrating sex toy." And legislation here in VA: "Drive in Virginia with outsized rubber replica testicles dangling from your trailer hitch and face a fine...male genitalia swaying from a car distracts other drivers."

They tell you when breastfeeding to alternate which breast you begin and end with. My mom visited again after Christmas. When I was nursing one afternoon she noticed the rectangularly shaped burp cloth I had thrown over my shoulder kept falling off. A few hours later that same evening, as I was nursing again (au natural, i.e. topless), Mom came in, looked at my revised setup of pillows, towels, different burp cloth etc. and commented, "Well that IS a good sized one that hangs down just right." I was mortified and turned beet red, sputtering, "Mom, you don't get to comment on my breasts!" She laughed so hard she nearly peed her pants and finally exclaimed, "I was talking about the burp cloth!"

More new mom mistakes: today I backed the Mini out of the garage and forgot I'd removed the stroller from the back of the truck and laid it behind the Mini. Thankfully there was melting snow on the driveway, so the stroller just slid down and out of the way before I could drive over it. They shouldn't let sleep deprived people drive!

This week Conor's been learning to take naps at regular intervals in his crib instead of any and everywhere else whenever he felt like it (he's gotten too alert and easily distracted for this now) so I put him in the nursery and turned the space heater on, thinking he'd probably only sleep 45 minutes but hoping he'd sleep an hour and a half. Two hours later I called Aaron a little alarmed at how long he was sleeping. I finally couldn't stand it any longer after 3 hours, so I went up to check him and when I opened the door I was greeted by a tropical surprise-the room was 79 degrees (about 20 degrees celsius)! I thought for sure the poor child would be completely dehydrated, but he actually was sleeping very deeply!

This week he also accomplished grabbing both hanging rings on his travel swing and gripping them for dear life while he was swinging. But that's not all, he also used them to pull on while he passed man sized gas and had a giant blowout in his diaper! His face turned red-I so badly wished someone else had been here to see it!

Did you know, that baby's breath (at least my breastfed baby's), like the flower of the same name, smells sweet? Why then do my baby's armpits smell like cheese? Why, when I kiss him, does he open his mouth really wide-is he French? And why when I try to get sock lint off his feet does he curl his monkey toes in a vice like grip? The child also spits up, lets it begin to drool out of his mouth, then at the last minute, sucks it back up!

One morning I laid him down on my bed next to a pillow I sleep with my arms around, so I was not surprised when he turned to it and began stroking it because I figured it probably smelled like me (and to be brutally honest, probably smelled like his favorite parts of me if you get my drift!) I was not, however, expecting him to close his eyes and attempt to nurse from the pillow! Here I thought he loved me, and it turns out any old breast scented pillow will do!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Conor's first word..."Oh!"

Random updates

While there are times I think I gave birth to a chimp, other times I know Conor's truly Aaron's son, like when he laughs in his sleep, or the way he really enjoys nudity. And the way he refuses to keep a blanket on unless it only covers one leg and he can kick the other leg out. He also enjoys peeing on the changing table or into a new diaper as soon as I put it on him. He is currently working on sticking both fists in his mouth in an attempt to suck his thumb. I like to think I've taught him to say the word, "Oh." I've posted that mesmerizing video footage above. And if that doesn't do it for you, I'll have to post a clip of me clogging while pregnant! While we've tried to introduce stimulating toys, Conor's favorite things are still a shiny balloon and ceiling fans. And his big head is growing so fast that he keeps outgrowing his hats!

I always thought babies were supposed to smell like baby powder, but for some reason my son smells like urine, like in a public restroom or a bar. A few endearing experiences I've had include fat lips, black eyes, and neck scratches he's given me while he's nursing. He usually also ends up with a fistful of my hair too.

I have not sold my Mini Cooper yet, although chances are still good that it will need to go sooner or later. We ended up buying a Toyota Rav 4 to haul Conor and all his stuff. The license plate is BA B BLU which is supposed to read "Baby Blue," although we still get a lot of folks asking, "what's 'bahbah blue?'" And for those of you who keep calling my phone before 11 am and leaving messages-I'm still sleeping late!

We just figured out that Aaron's initials are "Ah...," mine are "Sh!" and Conor's are "Chill." All quite fitting.

I'll finish with this. Last week I woke up to a high pitch whining noise which I thought might be the baby. After I checked on him I returned to bed. A short while later, I heard it again, and thought it must be Haley crying outside our bedroom door (so of course I took her back downstairs to her dog bed and covered her with a blanket.) At this point I'm wide awake. I went back to bed to try to begin the process of going back to sleep again only to discover that the noise was a kind of snory nose whistle coming from Aaron! I was so peeved I thumped his chest and told him to roll over and quit blowing his nose whistle!

Monkey and Mama


Aaron turns 33, Conor turns 3 months!


Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Headlines

I like to collect funny headlines and quirky news bits, as in the following:

"Two men were arrested at Dublin airport after an incident in which a passenger stood up and urinated at the rear of an aircraft as it was about to take off."

"Woman accused of groping mall Santa."

"Waynesboro man gets second DUI on lawnmower."

And finally a story from Connecticut, where a teacher who was working late and thought the school was empty, was terrified into calling the police and barricading herself into her classroom when teenage custodians played the song "Welcome to the Jungle" over the PA system. Six troopers and three dogs arrived and cuffed the teens for 15 minutes until it was straightened out.

Life is funny!