Mom's hair tickles...
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Ode to Mothers
Top 10 Signs You're a New Mom...
10. You've washed an entire load of dishes without adding soap.
9. You can't remember nouns: "I need it" or "Bring me the thing."
8. You go to shop at your favorite hip store and bypass the women's section and go straight to baby clothes!
7. You've saved hundreds of magazine articles on feeding, sleeping, etc. and have no idea where you've put them!
6. You discover dried toothpaste on your arm, and, two days later, notice it's still there!
5. Your husband asks, "what's that new scent you're wearing?" and it's the smell of diaper rash cream!
4. There's more hair in your brush than on your head!
3. Stool softener is your new best friend.
2. When you finally do shower you discover you only shaved one armpit.
1. You've asked the question while changing a diaper, "WHAT did you eat?"
10. You've washed an entire load of dishes without adding soap.
9. You can't remember nouns: "I need it" or "Bring me the thing."
8. You go to shop at your favorite hip store and bypass the women's section and go straight to baby clothes!
7. You've saved hundreds of magazine articles on feeding, sleeping, etc. and have no idea where you've put them!
6. You discover dried toothpaste on your arm, and, two days later, notice it's still there!
5. Your husband asks, "what's that new scent you're wearing?" and it's the smell of diaper rash cream!
4. There's more hair in your brush than on your head!
3. Stool softener is your new best friend.
2. When you finally do shower you discover you only shaved one armpit.
1. You've asked the question while changing a diaper, "WHAT did you eat?"
This one's for daddy...
So I've been trying to teach the boy French and sign language, and instead he's picked up panting like the dog and blowing his lips together to make fart noises! Oh Well!
Updates & Stories
Wow. What a wacky 3 months it's been with Aaron gone. I hope I never have to do this again! Aaron finds out which office he will be working in this week, graduates next week, we go a house hunting the following week, then move the week after that (June 5th-6th).
Conor sprouted two bottom teeth the last week of April, is mostly sitting on his own unless his giant, egg shaped head tips him over (seriously, I've been looking at other kids his age and they all have nice round heads. This poor child inherited his mother's pencil neck and his father's noggin- think "Heed! Pants Nyow!" from So I Married An Axe Murderer.) Just today he's been consistantly holding his bottle by himself. He can barrel roll across an entire room, and knows how to change direction by lifting his legs and pivoting 90 degrees. I've been trying to encourage him to play with the 6 month toys, but of course he prefers to grab everything in sight, especially my hair and the frayed ends of my jeans while making fart noises. I did see an interesting toy online recently, a clown named "Titoon," which strikes me as funny/scary/intriguing.
I thought we were getting old when we started watching Jeopardy when I was pregnant. It's only gotten worse. Now I'm watching "60 Minutes," "20/20" and eating oatmeal! Seriously, I should qualify for a senior citizen discount soon.
Some new mom stories I realized I have not yet described (for those of you who say my blunders make you feel a lot better-be encouraged, there appears to be no end to what I can't do!) A day or two after I got home from the hospital, I noticed I had some supplements that promoted "healthy milk." I thought, "Huh, I'd like to have healthy milk." So I googled the supplement online just to make sure it was kosher, and popped a pill. It wasn't until my chest nearly exploded the following day thay I realized "healthy milk" means increasing milk production, which I didn't especially need any extra help with!
While you might think you'll sing all the lullabies to your child your mom sang to you, unfortunately new mom brain fog and fatigue combine to make it so you can remember none of the lyrics to children's songs. I noticed this when I was trying to sing to comfort Conor one afternoon after several rounds of the only thing I could remember the words to, Kenny Rogers's "The Gambler." Conor will at least know that he needs to know when to hold 'em and when to fold em.'
Aaron and I both managed to get the incredibly simple math and measuring required to give a child a bottle of formula wrong, on multiple occasions, and in several different ways, which made the poor child constipated. Honestly, it's a little scary how easy it is to mess up the simple things. Like putting a metal clock on the bookshelf in the nursery, which, when the washing machine got going especially violently, dove off the bookshelf while Conor was napping, creating such a racket that we thought he'd fallen out of the crib! Utter pandemonium!
We'll leave Waynesboro with many fond memories, but one of the sharpest I think that will be forever burned into my brain, is the smell of dead skunk in the rain. You just don't forget something like that.
Conor sprouted two bottom teeth the last week of April, is mostly sitting on his own unless his giant, egg shaped head tips him over (seriously, I've been looking at other kids his age and they all have nice round heads. This poor child inherited his mother's pencil neck and his father's noggin- think "Heed! Pants Nyow!" from So I Married An Axe Murderer.) Just today he's been consistantly holding his bottle by himself. He can barrel roll across an entire room, and knows how to change direction by lifting his legs and pivoting 90 degrees. I've been trying to encourage him to play with the 6 month toys, but of course he prefers to grab everything in sight, especially my hair and the frayed ends of my jeans while making fart noises. I did see an interesting toy online recently, a clown named "Titoon," which strikes me as funny/scary/intriguing.
I thought we were getting old when we started watching Jeopardy when I was pregnant. It's only gotten worse. Now I'm watching "60 Minutes," "20/20" and eating oatmeal! Seriously, I should qualify for a senior citizen discount soon.
Some new mom stories I realized I have not yet described (for those of you who say my blunders make you feel a lot better-be encouraged, there appears to be no end to what I can't do!) A day or two after I got home from the hospital, I noticed I had some supplements that promoted "healthy milk." I thought, "Huh, I'd like to have healthy milk." So I googled the supplement online just to make sure it was kosher, and popped a pill. It wasn't until my chest nearly exploded the following day thay I realized "healthy milk" means increasing milk production, which I didn't especially need any extra help with!
While you might think you'll sing all the lullabies to your child your mom sang to you, unfortunately new mom brain fog and fatigue combine to make it so you can remember none of the lyrics to children's songs. I noticed this when I was trying to sing to comfort Conor one afternoon after several rounds of the only thing I could remember the words to, Kenny Rogers's "The Gambler." Conor will at least know that he needs to know when to hold 'em and when to fold em.'
Aaron and I both managed to get the incredibly simple math and measuring required to give a child a bottle of formula wrong, on multiple occasions, and in several different ways, which made the poor child constipated. Honestly, it's a little scary how easy it is to mess up the simple things. Like putting a metal clock on the bookshelf in the nursery, which, when the washing machine got going especially violently, dove off the bookshelf while Conor was napping, creating such a racket that we thought he'd fallen out of the crib! Utter pandemonium!
We'll leave Waynesboro with many fond memories, but one of the sharpest I think that will be forever burned into my brain, is the smell of dead skunk in the rain. You just don't forget something like that.
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