Conor Tales & Other Stories

Spring is just around the corner, and in Waynesboro this means the celebration of all things new, like Sonic, Petsmart, Sheetz, and Kohl's. We're in business now! It also brings new milestones for my precious little boy. I thought it was cute when the dog licked Conor's sweaty feet and he uncurled his toes and stuck his feet out and laughed. That is, until the day when my son licked the dog. He's pretty, but not so bright.

I've got some ideas for the toy companies. Make a toy made out of a woman's hair, that when a child yanks on it yells, "Ow!" Or one that feels like arm skin and yells: "Don't do that!" Or a non-toxic magazine like paper or expired coupon toy that crinkles and can be licked. Or a nose he can pinch and a mouth he can stick his fingers in. These delight my son. I know they make cell phone toys, but I'm sure they aren't nearly as fun as my actual phone. Or the actual remote control. Or a towel, or my shirt. Anyone need any barely used baby toys? I'm sure you'll tell me that he uses taste to discover the world around him, but I'm not sure how to feel when I kiss his cheek and he grabs my hair on both sides so I can't pull away and then licks the side of my face!

Conor likes to stroke Aaron's chin when he hasn't shaved it in a few days, which might seem endearing, until I tell you that he also does the same to my armpit when he's nursing! Seriously child, I do not have time to shave every day just so you can stroke my armpit! Of course, maybe we deserve it, for some of the new parent stunts we've pulled. Aaron accidentally cut Conor a little while trimming his wee fingernails, so he wrapped his finger in a tiny band-aid. We both thought this was very cute, until I realized that this was probably a choking hazard. Aaron decides we should just watch Conor closely, especially since he's so prone to sticking his fingers, fists, both hands at once, etc. in his mouth. Shortly thereafter I notice the band aid is missing and start shouting, "The Band Aid! The Band Aid!" We start beating the poor child on the back and looking all over the sofa and floor to see if it fell off. Finally Aaron sticks his finger in Conor's mouth and finds it stuck to the roof of his mouth-good grief! We told this story to our pediatrician who told us that his son mysteriously pooped pennies, which made us feel a little better.

Conor enjoys looking at himself in the mirror, so I've been holding him and singing Michael Jackson's, "Man in the Mirror" (why can I remember the words to this and not to any nursery rhymes?). I'm even teaching him Jacko's trademark crotch grab! Of course the day Aaron leaves town for 3 months the boy figures out how to grab his groin, diaper, and me while I'm trying to change him. Last week he grabbed his foot for the first time and was so excited he didn't want to let go of it, so he just kept pulling it farther and farther back. Until that made him fart, which made him laugh. He is definitely his father's son! Although I suppose I should have seen all this coming early on, since shortly after Conor was born, they laid him naked on my chest so we could bond and each of us could get cleaned up a bit. It was a warm moment for all of us, but for me it was especially warm, literally, because Conor pooped on me! Welcome to the world son, and welcome to parenting, Mom!

Here's an Aaron story: one morning, as Aaron left for work, he put on his glasses and got in his car. He thought he was just tired, because his eyes still seemed to be bleary. When they didn't clear up 15 minutes into his drive to work, he really began to worry that something might be wrong with him, telling me later that he "thought he might be having a seizure." Thankfully, he took his glasses off and looked at them closely, only to find he was missing a lens! And this man investigates for a living!

I've enjoyed buying Haley a costume for Halloween in the past, and was amazed at the variety of costumes made for dogs. Here are a few possibilities: Elvis, skunk, police uniform, pimp, tuxedo, French maid, Uncle Sam, soccer player, pirate, Robin Hood, sailor, and Geisha girl. What will they think of next? Incidentally, we found out this winter that Haley is actually missing an eardrum in the ear she's never raised up, although I still believe she chooses not to listen more than she actually can't hear!

I also wanted to share some of the fun baby names we stumbled across during pregnancy- Guillermo, Angus (great strength) Jemima (from the Bible), Hulda (Biblical- "weasel") and Crispin (curly hair). We used to think it was funny when Aaron and I were dating and my family kept mistakenly calling Aaron "Irwan," or "Ian." We wouldn't have guessed however how many people would call Conor, "Conrad."